i am not this negative in person (i have the soul of a liar)
looking at what i've put on this website so far, i realize that it's mostly negative. this is somewhat by design. if you can't tell from my homepage, i am doing a bit of a bit here. i am complaining on purpose. i'm prone to melancholy and i have to complain somewhere; i might as well get a bit creative with it. for some reason it's been easier to angst here than in a paper journal, and i'm not sure why. maybe because i'm using a fake name. maybe because it feels more like the void than a physical notebook, or even a notes app. i hit publish and the the negativity goes into the vacuum. whoosh. i'm not hanging onto those words anymore they are in the aether, nebulous and no longer my problem.
whatever it is, i'm grateful for the outlet. i do like it here, even if my tone might suggest otherwise.
i (like everyone else) contain multitudes, and one of those 'tudes is a bit whiny and a bit of a little edgelord. i DO think over the top black and red goth stuff is cool and i'm NOT going to pretend otherwise. being on tumblr in 2015 DID do irreparable damage to my aesthetic tastes and i just have to live with that now.
(i was going to put a gif of a red skull with spider legs here but i cannot find it now. just picture that in your mind's eye for me. thanks 🦇.)